


Beyond The Cradle

by Elennare



Category: High Rollers DnD (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Character Death, oh my god they were roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24465130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elennare/pseuds/Elennare
Summary: After Captain Thalia's offer of two wishes, after realising he could bring his parents back, Lucius has questions for Quill about dying and returning.
Relationships: Qillek "Quill" Ad Khollar & Lucius Virion-Elluin Elenasto, Qillek "Quill" Ad Khollar/Lucius Virion-Elluin Elenasto
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Beyond The Cradle

Lucius stares up at the grey metal ceiling, wide awake despite his weariness. He’s still nervous about the whole situation, is trying very hard to not think about how little separates them from the absolute emptiness of astral space (is trying not to remember a frantic run up precarious stairs on Aegis V, trying not to see Quill plummeting down towards the void), but that’s not what’s keeping him awake. 

Wishes. If things turn out right, if they can beat this demon at his own game, they could have two wishes. Almost as soon as Thalia spoke of it, he heard a voice in his mind, whispering _you could bring your family back._ He’s fairly sure it would work - magic can bring the dead back, he’s seen it; something as powerful a wish can surely return his parents to life, despite the time that has passed. What kind of a son would he be, if he didn’t at least consider it? But even if they can get these wishes, they wouldn’t be his alone, they’d be the group’s. Everyone else seemed to be thinking only of what they could do to help Aerois, to help everyone, with them. Sentry, Sentry who’s lost so much more than he has, who lost her entire civilisation, she talked of strategic advantage. She could use the wishes to finally win Solwynn’s fight against Starbane. Nova wanted to reform Tiangong - who is bonded to her, yes, but who was also one of the most powerful Eterna in existence before they were shattered and scattered. To restore such a being could provide them with an incredible ally, could give strength to all the Eterna. How can he ask his friends to weigh bringing his parents back against a better chance of defeating Starbane and Hadar? He can’t, he knows he can’t - and what would he be bringing his parents back to? Would they even want to come back? They must be at peace now, beyond the Cradle. Would he be risking bringing them back against their will? (Would he just disappoint them yet again?) Could magic do that? He understands a great deal of magic innately, but resurrection spells are well outside his expertise, and wishes are so powerful he’s unsure what limits they would have.

In the bunk below, Quill lies awake too, hearing Lucius’s bed creak as he shifts. In the few times he's slept this close to Lucius before - in the Ironweald, in the cells in Gusthaven, in the strange places they've had to stop and rest, too exhausted to carry on - he remembers Lucius mostly falling asleep quickly, but tonight he's been tossing and turning for a while. Is he still worrying about being in astral space? Quill has kept quiet so far, waiting for him to just fall asleep, but it doesn’t seem like it’s happening. Maybe he needs someone to reassure him… Quill knows he wound up just terrifying him more when he tried to earlier, but perhaps he can do better this time.

“Lucius? Are you awake?” he whispers, soft enough not to wake him if he's just sleeping restlessly. 

Lucius starts at the sound. “Yes, I am. Have I been keeping you awake? I'm sorry, Birdie,” he apologises.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. Are - are you okay?” 

“Yes, I’m fine…” Lucius trails off for a moment, realising that if anyone can help answer his doubts, it’s probably Quill - Quill who can cast healing spells, Quill who’s died and returned. “Can I ask you a question? Do you remember anything about… being dead?” 

Quill blinks in surprise. He’s not sure what he’d expected Lucius to ask (he knows what he'd wildly hoped for a second, but not what he'd expected), but that wasn’t it! Is this what’s been keeping him awake? Why on Aerois - or why in astral space, Quill supposes would be more accurate - is he thinking about it now? Is he more scared of dying out here than he has been on Aerois? Or has he been wondering about it ever since they brought Quill back from the dead?

“A little,” he says slowly. “I remember dying, and Kellara coming to guide me beyond the Cradle, but after that it’s… blurry. I remember… peace, I think, more than anything. I was… content, I was at peace.”

“But you came back,” Lucius says quietly. “You had a choice, right? We didn’t just force you back?” They'd asked him questions, asked him what he wanted. But Skaldi had told them that what answered was just his body, his memories, would only know what Quill had known in life - what if what he wanted had changed once he’d gone beyond the Cradle?

“Yes, yes! I had a choice,” Quill says, frowning in concentration as he tries to recall more details. “I remember - I think it was Kellara herself who asked me - if I wanted to go back. And I did, I… it’s vague… I knew I had things to do, I knew - I think I knew you’d be trying to bring me back, that I wanted to come back to you.” 

Not for the first time, Lucius quietly deplores the ambiguities of Common. If they were speaking his own language, he’d know who Quill had meant by ‘you’, if he meant the group or Lucius specifically. It’s the group, surely, it must be, but he can’t help the way his heart beats faster at the thought of it being him. 

“I’m glad you had a choice, and that you chose to come back,” Lucius says.

“I - of course I came back,” Quill replies. Much of his memory of that time may be blurred (part of the boundary between life and death, he assumes), but the certainty he wanted to return is crystal clear. “I’m so grateful you were able to bring me back.” He pauses for a second, then continues, “Lucius, I - I know you’re scared about this whole astral space thing - ”

“I’m astral scared!” Lucius interjects, trying for levity.

Quill realises what he’s aiming for, but it doesn’t quite work; he can hear the echoes of that particular bright tone Lucius uses when he’s close to panic. “Well, I’m astral scared too, but… I think we’ll be safe. Thalia seems to know what she’s doing, and if we do run into danger, we’ll take care of each other.”

“I know we will, I’m not doubting that,” Lucius replies immediately. If there’s one certainty he’s come to always count on, even as his world has been upended over and over, it’s that he and his friends will do anything and everything to keep each other safe. “It’s just all so different and dangerous - not that Aerois wasn’t dangerous sometimes! But… I felt like we understood the dangers there, we knew what we might face. This is all strange, and everything seems so much more threatening and scary - to me, at least, the rest of you are taking it much better,” he adds, rather ashamed. 

“Believe me, I’m scared too!” Quill repeats. “But at least we’re on our way home now, we’re not stuck on a Starbane planet. Maybe we’re not safe, but we’re safer than we were on Elysium, we must be. And - and if - if anything - happened to you, we’d bring you back. We’d find a way.” 

“Thank you,” Lucius says softly. 

He wants to add that they’d bring Quill back too if he fell, but he knows he can't. Quill can’t come back again… or could he, if he died here? The priestess in Gusthaven talked of the journey back from beyond the Cradle being too taxing for a soul to undertake more than once, but there’s no Cradle here. And what about Sentry? Is it the same for her, for a Guardian? Is it the same now she’s Sentinel Prime? 

Quill wishes he could see Lucius’s face. Is this actually reassuring him, or scaring him more instead? He’d been grateful when the elf had taken the top bunk (and grateful, too, that he’d simply said he should take it as he was taller, without so much as a glance at Quill’s missing wing), but now he wishes he’d taken it himself instead. To look over and down at him would be one thing, to try to climb up to see him would be another, much more intrusive one. Then a sudden, horrifying thought hits. The questions Lucius asked, about choice… How reckless he can seem in battle at times lately… No. No, it can't be.

“You - you’d want us to, wouldn’t you? You’d want - you’d want to come back?” he asks, stumbling over his words in fear. To lose Lucius at all would be bad enough, but to lose him forever - he can’t stand the thought.

“Quill, yes! Of course!” Lucius replies immediately at the terror in Quill’s voice, feeling guilty for scaring his friend. Snapping his fingers, he sends coloured lights floating into the room and leans over the side of his bunk, so they can see each other. “Of course I’d want to come back. Of course I’d come back to you.” Now, he’s grateful for the ambiguity he’d disliked earlier. He’d want to come back for all his friends, of course, but especially for Quill - and he doesn’t feel brave enough to say so out loud.

Quill sighs with relief at the sincerity he can see in Lucius’s expression, and smiles up at him. “Good… I hope you don’t have to! I’ll do my best to keep you alive, to keep us all alive.” 

If he dies, if Sentry dies, coming back won’t be an option, he knows. He doesn’t say anything, though. Lucius knows that as well as he does… and if he’s forgotten it for the moment, he’ll sleep better for it.

Lucius smiles back. “We’ll take care of each other,” he says, then adds with a chuckle, “and right now, I think the best way I can take care of you is by letting you sleep! I’m sorry I’ve kept you awake.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Quill says, looking at him thoughtfully. Lucius still looks a little worried behind the smile, and Quill’s still not sure why he started asking these questions now, but he doesn’t know how to find out. If he tries to pry, he’s worried he might just send Lucius into a panic again… and they do need to sleep. “You’re right, we should get some rest. It’s been a very long day!”

“It certainly has!” Lucius agrees, thinking of everything that happened since they last slept, all the way back at the abbey. “Good night, Quill. Sleep well.”

“Good night, Lucius.”

Lucius lies down again and flicks his fingers, making his lights vanish. Wishes… could a wish bring back Quill or Sentry, if they were to die? Surely it could, and perhaps it would be the only thing that could. That wouldn’t be as selfish as bringing his parents back, would it? Sentry’s the Prime, the Guardians need her if they’re to survive… Quill’s the Chosen of H’Esper, and still has a mission to accomplish, a mission that keeps getting pushed back… And Lucius knows perfectly well that if neither of those things were true, it would not make any difference whatsoever. That if either of their bodies was lying in front of him again, and he had the power to do so, he’d give them the chance to come back without a second’s hesitation. Even the thought of losing them again is so painful… He can’t keep thinking about this. He needs to sleep, he’s so exhausted… They don’t even have the wishes yet, there’ll be time enough to worry about what to do with them if they manage to get them. He’s sure Quill is still lying awake too, worrying about him now; so he tries to even out his breathing, to make Quill think he’s asleep - and falls asleep doing so.


End file.
